Mysterious and Spooky
by TheCrampReturns
Summary: The Doctor takes Ace to have dinner with his old friends The Addams's. They're a strange lot, but things are only about to get stranger when not one but two uninvited guests threaten to tear the family apart. Rated T for The Addams's and possible language. (ALSO A CROSSOVER WITH MEN IN BLACK)
1. Chapter 1: Introductions

**AN: **_And so begins my second fic in this little "crossover saga" I've got goin'. This time around it's a three-way story, with my (at the moment) second favorite Doctor, Sylvester McCoy._

_I've got quite a few of my next fics planned out, but I'm willing to take suggestions for whatever properties you guys think I should cross DW over with next. Specifically, I'm open to suggestions for the 1st, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 9th and 10th Doctors. If anyone has any ideas for a crossover they'd like to see with any of those particular Doctors, I'll take a look and pick whichever idea I can work best with._

_And no, I probably won't end up doing one for the War Doctor unless I'm asked._

_ANYWAY, setting up the things; In terms of continuity, this is set after Survival from The Doctor and Ace's perspective, and after the first film in both AF and MIB's case._

_The Addams' will be based largely on their film versions, and while I assume both that movie and Men In Black are set in the year they came out, I decided it wouldn't be too harmful to just shift things around time-wise, for the sake of the story._

_But whatever, on with the show_.

* * *

><p>We begin inside the home of one particularly spooky family. A pair of children by the names Pugsley and Wednesday were amusing themselves as only children could.<p>

Whilst the former lay underneath a swinging pendulum, the latter had a large whirring blade making its way to where she lay chained. The intent was to see which method would be most effective for future games of their's.

Overseeing the event to make sure nothing interrupted was the children's Uncle Fester.

"I'm telling you kids, this isn't necessary." Said Fester with a smile. "When your father and I did this, the saw always came out on top!"

"It may cut faster," Wednesday said in her usual dour tone, "But sometimes you want the results to be more...drawn out."

It was just then that Morticia, the matriarch of the family, stepped into the children's room. She gave her son and daughter a small smile and a shake of the head.

"Now Wednesday, Pugsley, you know your father is having a guest over. Are you certain you want to tucker yourselves out with games before they arrive?"

After the siblings shared a glance and a shrug, Wednesday looked up to her mother.

"I suppose further study can be postponed for the moment." she said.

Morticia nodded.

"Fester," she said as she exited the room and headed down the stairs, "be a dear and untie them."

"Aw, but it was just getting to the good part." Fester mumbled, doing as he was told nonetheless.

* * *

><p>"So who is this friend of Gomez' anyway?" Fester asked Morticia as they and the children walked to the dining room.<p>

"Ah yes, they met while you were still missing." Morticia said. "He's a doctor, and a very agreeable sort. He's paid us a few visits now, I'm sure you'll get along. Not to mention he and Gomez are always swapping stories."

"Speaking of that husband of yours, where is he?" asked Grandmama.

The eldest of the family was working over the cauldron, preparing that night's meal, when suddenly a foil came spinning into the room and just barely missing her as it pinned itself into the wall.

The family looked to foil, their question effectively answered.

"Fencing." They said in unison, as Grandmama pulled the foil from the wall and dropped it into the cauldron.

Just next door, Morticia's husband was fencing with a floating, disembodied hand.

"That's two-to-zero, Thing!" he said enthusiastically, having just won another round against the hand. As Thing went to grab another foil, a knock was heard on the front door.

"Ah-HA!" Gomez yelled, gaining the rest of the family's attention as he bolted to the door, where the manservant Lurch was waiting at the door.

"Well?" Gomez prodded, "Come on, open it up, Lurch old man."

"He certainly is early." Morticia noted as she and the others followed Gomez, gathering at the door to greet their guest.

"Doctor, old man!" Gomez yelled as Lurch opened the door. "How lovely to see y-"

Gomez never got to finish that sentence, as at that exact moment a red flash rang out in front of them, momentarily blinding the whole family.

Exactly what happened next, they would have a fuzzy time remembering.

* * *

><p>The stark white corridors of the TARDIS where filled with the sound of clattering footsteps, as a young woman by the name of Dorothy Gale 'Ace' McShane wandered through them.<p>

"Hey Doctor!" called Ace, bundles of clothes piled in her arms, "What exactly should I be wearing to this...THING that we're going to, anyway?"

In the console, the man she addressed was sitting calmly in a foldable chair, his feet propped up on the console and a cup of tea in his hand.

"It's not a 'thing', Ace." The Doctor admonished, raising the cup to his lips, "It's a dinner party. Honestly, must you use that word to describe everything?"

"I know, I know. But if it's hosted by these friends of yours, I wanna make sure I look right by them, you know?"

This elicited a chuckle from The Doctor. "Honestly, I'd say you'd be right by them in just about anything. They're not the type to judge."

"Well if that's the case I'm going with my usual jacket." said Ace with a grin.

"Oh, and by the way, have you got of that Nitro 9 on you?" The Doctor asked, referring to the girl's favored homemade explosive.

"Yeah." Ace answered as she entered the console room. She was in a simple shirt and skirt underneath her large leather jacket, filled to the brim with sewn on badges and even her name. "Why, do you want me to leave it?"

"No, no." said The Doctor with a shake of the head. "By all means, bring it. They love that sort of thing. Now, why don't you sit down and have some tea?"

Ace raised an eyebrow, but then gave a shrug as she grabbed a cup and took a sip.

Moments later, the TARDIS materialized outside of a rather large and imposing gothic estate. It wasn't quite a giant stone Pennsylvanian Castle, but to Ace it certainly gave off the vibe of one.

"That's where they live?" asked the girl as she and The Doctor left the blue box. The man himself was wearing his usual hat and quasi on mark vest, along with his scarf and brown coat. His trusty umbrella was held in his hand.

"Indeed it is." he said.

"...Wicked."

"Very."

* * *

><p>The Doctor raised his umbrella and knocked it against the door. This relatively loud noise was followed by a much louder shout of "Ah-HA!", and a moment later the door swung open, greeting Ace and. The Doctor with a rather odd sight.<p>

The one who had opened the door was a a rather large and imposing man. He reminded Ace of Frankenstein's Monster, only paler and nicely dressed. Next to him was a man in a pinstriped suit with slicked hair, wild eyes and a large grin.

"DOCTOR!" shouted the suited man, pulling The Doctor into a hug.

"Gomez!" said The Doctor, pulling out of the hug to point between Gomez and Ace.

"Gomez, this is Ace. Ace, say hello to Gomez Addams."

"Hey." Said Ace as she accepted a rather vigorous handshake from Gomez.

"Nice to meet you, dear."

"Yes," said the tall woman with a hand on Gomez' shoulder. "Very nice indeed."

She had a pitch black dress that was both imposing and elegant. Oddly enough, though the room seemed to be well lit, her face appeared to be in a perpetual half-shadow. A band of light from her nose to the bottom of her forehead was all that kept her from being in complete shade. With long black hair and red lips, she gave the impression of a vampire.

"Morticia!" The Doctor said, raising the woman's free hand to lips. "Beautiful as ever."

As Ace introduced herself, The Doctor pulled his hat off and knelt down to face the two kids near Morticia.

"Pugsley, Wednesday, you've grown quite a bit."

"It's because of the torture rack!" Pugsley said proudly.

"The what?" Ace said, leaning over as if to confirm what she'd heard.

"Nothing!" The Doctor said. "Hey, kids, have a look here."

The Doctor then waved a hand over his hat and snapped his fingers, before pulling a dead rabbit out of his head. With a smile, he handed the corpse to the children.

"I get the skull." Said Wednesday to her brother. "You can keep the entrails."

As Pugsley nodded his head, Ace turned from the very off-putting children, only to see yet another strange sight.

Standing above the children was a pale, hunched over man with sunken in eyes, a toothy grin, and no hair to speak of. Ace flinched away from the man with a shout, as he seemed to be sniffing her. Or, more specifically, her backpack.

"I smell...*sniff*...**nitroglycerin**." he said, as The Doctor rose to meet the man.

"Why hello." He said. "I don't think we've met."

"Ah, yes!" said Gomez, grabbing the Doctor's hand and clasping it to Fester's. "This is my beloved, despised, long-lost, and recently un-lost brother Fester!"

The Doctor raised his hat to Fester, before turning to the Frankenstein-looking man.

"Hello Lurch." he said, before Gomez enthusiastically led him and the others back to kitchen.

"Come in, come in, we've left you out long enough. Dinner's about ready."

Ace was left alone with Lurch momentarily, as he closed the door behind the lot of them.

"...Hey." she said with a short wave.

Lurch gave only a groan in response. After a pause, Ace simply went to follow the others.

* * *

><p>"So," The Doctor said, "memory restoration properties via lightning, eh? Must say I've never truly looked into that..."<p>

Gomez gave a hearty laugh in response.

"There's things that the great wide universe can't teach, that you can only learn in this house my friend."

As the family entered the kitchen, they moved to sit down, while The Doctor stood frozen at the head of the table.

"Professor?" Ace said, using her common nickname for the Time Lord. "What's wrong."

Not giving an answer, The Doctor merely looked at the far side of the table. Stating directly across from him was what looked like a relatively young African-American man. Clad in both a black suit and a frown, the man remained silent and eyed the two newcomers with a look of suspicion before Gomez gave him a pat on the shoulder.

"McTaggert, my friend. Meet an old friend of ours, The Doctor. And Ace."

A pause followed, before Gomez decided to pick up again.

"This here is Agent McTaggert. He's here to inspect the house, make sure it's up to...some standards or another." It seemed like Gomez couldn't resist rolling his eyes on that last sentence.

Eventually, everyone had sat themselves down, and Gomez continued to catch The Doctor up. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, but Ace couldn't help but notice more quick glances shared between The Doctor and the man in black.

Little did any of them know, there was yet another guest in the house. One that none of them were aware of. One that was stalking the halls at that very moment.


	2. Chapter 2: Dinner

Chapter 2: Dinner

**AN: JAYSUS CHRYST, it's been a while. Since I last wrote here, two holidays have past, the entire 8th season of Doctor Who happened, and college suddenly decided to start being a harsh mistress. That last part is really why this took so long, and I really really really wanted to avoid this happening. Now I feel extra bad that this chapter is relatively short. In my defense, I DID say that fic writing would be the lowest on my priority list, after school, blogging, and general farting around.**

**With that said, I know at least two people out there in the universe are interested in these things, so I'm gonna make it up to them by trying as hard as possible to get the next chapter up within the next week. I've already got the whole story planned out (and the next few fics are pretty far into the planning stages), so I don't think plain old writers block should be as much of a problem as it was with my last story.**

**Well, that's enough rambling for the moment. Just know that I apologize profusely for the lateness of this chapter. I can't promise it won't happen again, but that's just the way it is man. Read and Review, if you so choose.**

Ace _hated_ spooky mansions. The last time The Doctor had dragged her to one, her deeply rooted fear had been alleviated a bit, but there was still something about the general atmosphere of such places that freaked her out.

Though in this case, said atmosphere was more likely due to her food leering at her.

She made a noise from the back of her throat, as if uncertain whether or not she wanted to commit to complaining. She looked from The Doctor to the family surrounding her unsure if rejecting the meal offered her would get her put in a hearse.

Thankfully, this 'McTaggert' person was fine with vocalizing her opinions.

"Did anyone else get an eye in their food?" He asked, "Cause I'll be honest, I feel like I'm on one of those hidden camera shows."

"Mama's food can be a bit rough on a first try." said Morticia with a smile. She pulled out a small vile of something and poured a smidgen on Ace's food.

"That should make it a tad more agreeable." she said.

Ace, still unconvinced, looked to The Doctor, who only gave her an encouraging nod. So she took a spoonful of the stuff, being careful to avoid even touching an eyeball and brought it to her lips with extreme hesitance. Perhaps it was due purely to expectation, but the food, while by no means good, was not completely awful either.

"What did you put on there, anyway?" Ace asked, tentatively trying another spoonful.

"Nothing much," said Morticia, "just cyanide."

Ace spit her food out within a split second, and with eyes almost bigger than their own dinner plates, both she and McTaggert pushed their plates away.

"Really, Ace?" The Doctor said with a chastising tone. "You've gone and got it all over the table."

"Oh, it's fine old man." Gomez said, quickly wiping the mess up. "We've gotten some much more violent reactions in the past."

"I wonder why!" Ace shouted, "It's a miracle you even have guests when you try to kill 'em like that!"

"Oh calm down Ace." The Doctor said nonchalantly. "I put a preemptive counter agent in our tea on the way here. You're going to be fine. You humans put so much poison in your food anyway I'm surprised you have a problem with it."

Though he had muttered that last sentence, The Doctor took silent notice as McTaggert seemed to perk up at the comment.

At that Ace calmed down slightly, but still looked on with revulsion as Fester grinned, taking her and McTaggert's plates for themselves under the correct assumption that they wouldn't be eating anymore.

"More for me!" he said excitedly.

"Forgive us." Morticia said, "We've learned learned to be a bit more conservative with sharing our toppings with others. But The Doctor has shown a remarkably high tolerance for it in the past, so we figured you'd be just as fine."

"Well thanks for the assumption." Ace muttered bitterly.

"So Doctor," Gomez said slyly, "have you been up to any traveling recently? Met any more friends from 'out of town'?"

"You ask that as if it ever stops." The Doctor said with a chuckle. "Yes, just last week Ace and I paid a visit to Japan, didn't we Ace? We had an encounter with some Xiliens, the devils."

"Some what now?" McTaggert asked, his attention now fully focused on The Doctor.

"Oh, some xenophobes, I said. It was rather sad, really."

"Uh...huh." Said the agent hesitantly.

"And what about you, McTaggert? Exactly what agency are you a part of?"

"Health and safety." The man answered quickly. "Just making sure this house is a safe environment."

"How's that working out for you?" Wednesday asked, deadpan.

"Oh, just...just fine." The man said, turning from the girl to The Doctor and Ace with a shake of the head, making it clear he meant the opposite.

Just then, a loud banging sound could heard from upstairs. Everyone looked up from the table, but no one said anything until the sound repeated itself.

"Fester," Morticia said, "be a dear and make sure that's not Uncle Knick-Knack trying to escape again."

Fester saluted, murmuring something from his still full mouth as he went up the stairs to go check on the noise.

"Well, McTaggert, I do hope you're finding everything ship-shape." Gomez said confidently. "There really is no reason to fear; this house is perhaps the safest place I know."

Just then, the sound of Fester's bloodcurdling scream could be heard throughout the house.

"Um...is he alright? " Ace asked the table, none of whom (sans McTaggert) seemed the least bit unnerved.

"Most likely." The Doctor said. "It's Fester, he's probably just taking one of the slides again."

"Or the bed of spikes I tied to the ceiling of his room finally came down." Pugsley said, rubbing his hands in glee.

Ace and McTaggert shared a look of panic, before leaving their seats and going to check on the man.

Ace opened the door to a large white room. The decapitated Barbie dolls strewn across the floor led her to believe it was the children's' room.

"Well, at least they know how to properly use their Barbies." she said with a smirk.

Suddenly, the same banging noise from earlier occurred, jolting Ace as she closed the door before looking around. In the corner of her eye, she could have sworn she saw something move.

Before she could be certain, she heard McTaggert announce that he'd found. Fester. Ace came to see the bald man head in his hands in the middle of the bathroom. As Ace took hold of him and brought him downstairs, McTaggert took notice of the cracked mirror on the bathroom wall.

As he joined the others downstairs, McTaggert jumped slightly as the still shaking Fester pointed at him.

"You!" He said. "It's good you're here! You're right, this place isn't safe at all!"

At this, the family gave a surprised look.

"What on Earth are you talking about?" Gomez asked. "What happened to you up there."

"And what happened to the mirror?" McTaggert asked.

"I went up there to see about the noise, and then I saw...SOMETHING moving up there. And then, and then, I don't remember. There was a flash of light, and the next thing I remember, I was smashing the mirror." Fester was practically biting his nails.

"Can you blame me? Look at me! I'M HIDEOUS! And this place, this family- we couldn't be more unsafe if we tried. We just fed a girl POISON for Pete's sake!"

"_THANK YOU!_" Ace shouted, throwing her hands up.

"A-and...I ate it, too," Fester said, before running to the kitchen to vomit.

"Well of course you did!" Gomez said. "We all did! Because we like it. Because we're Addams's!"

At this, Fester paused, then turned to his brother.

"Why do we say that?" He questioned. "Why do we always say 'Addams's'?"

Gomez gaped, as if this was the most outrageous question he'd ever heard.

"Because that's what we are."

"The correct term is 'Addams'."

"Addams's."

"Addams'."

"ADDAMS'S!"

"ADDAMS'."

"HAVE YOU GONE MAD!?"

"Did Uncle Fester lose his memory again?" Pugsley interjected.

"Why are you both SCREAMING?" Ace asked.

"Look," said McTaggert, "I know nobody cares at this point but I ain't paying to get that mirror fixed. But now there's broken glass all over the place and someone's gonna cut themselves or something."

"If we're lucky." Wednesday said.

McTaggert simply peered at the others around him before pointing at Wednesday.

"That girl needs help." He said.

A loud cough from The Doctor steered everyone's attention back onto him, as he arose from his seat and looked to Fester.

"Obviously," he's started, "something has happened to dear Uncle Fester, and if we want to fix, finding out what exactly it was should be our first step. So with that said..."

The Doctor pulled out an instrument with a red tip, that Ace recognized as the Sonic Screwdriver.

"Let's pick his brain."

"...I'll get the scalpel." said Gomez with a defeated sigh.

**AN: Again, sorry this chapter is so short. I hope the humor was at least entertaining enough. Again, I'll try to have the next chapter out ASAP.**

**On a lighter note, I've decided that references to other unrelated franchises are going to be a thing in these stories. No one guessed the references in the last fic, but anyone who can be bothered can name in a review a reference they caught.**


	3. Chapter 3: Interrogations

Chapter 3:

_AN: Ok, so I may have been off by a bit when I said 'within the week'. Oh well._

The members of the household were collectively gathered around Fester as he sat in the electric chair in the middle of the children's room. A helmet of rather complicated design was placed on his head, The Doctor running the screwdriver over it and muttering to himself.

"Wanna tell me again why your kids have an electric chair in their room?" McTaggert asked Morticia as he leaned on said chair.

"They asked." answered the matriarch. "I know it may be a bit irresponsible to just give them whatever toys they want, but they earned it."

"That's the idle wealthy for you, I guess." Ace muttered.

"Yeeeeeaaaaah," drawled McTaggert, eyeing the guillotine that was dangerously close to him, before seeming to visibly give up on any expectations of normalcy.

"I'm gonna just, go downstairs and clean up the plates and stuff. Gonna leave ya'll here to...whatever the hell _this_ is." said the man, pointing amongst the others in the room before waving them off and exiting the room.

Ace watched the man leave, before moving toward The Doctor and glancing at the formerly-electric chair.

"So Professor, what exactly _is_..._this_?" she asked, the Time Lord looking up from his work to answer her.

"Rigged the chair with some bits of kit from the TARDIS. Uses the electric waves running through the chair to power the dome up top." Rapping the tip of his umbrella against the aforementioned headpiece, The Doctor then pointed to what looked like a polygraph near the chair.

"A lie detector?" asked Morticia.

"Yes a lie detector, but modified to be temporally transcendental. I ask dearest Fester an assortment of questions about tonight's events, and the machine keeps track of his brainwaves, comparing them to his past brainwaves so that I can observe any changes in his thought process."

"...I don't get it." said Pugsley after a lengthy silence.

"We're not sure what's causing this sudden change in your uncles mindset, so the sooner we get a reading on what's changed, the sooner we can go about trying to fix it. For all we know, this might not even be something that can be fixed."

The Doctor immediately anticipated the resounding gasp that followed, and responded with a quick shrug.

"What I mean is, this could be a totally natural phenomenon. A sudden but completely foreseeable onset of dementia, perhaps. Or it could be the result of external forces. Say, for instance..."

"Covert injections of cocaine." Wednesday interrupted.

"Not what I was going to say, but with this family, anything's possible."

"I'm right here, you know?" came the voice of Fester, who had looked notably uncomfortable throughout the conversation. Ignoring him, The Doctor finished his tinkering and turned to Ace.

"And don't you think, Ace," he whispered, "that the one external force we know to be here has just found a convenient excuse to leave the room?"

The two traveling companions shared a knowing look, as The Doctor patted Ace on the shoulder.

"I thought going to clean the plates sounded a bit suspicious." Ace said.

"Go see what McTaggert's up to. I'll handle things here."

Ace left without another word, and The Doctor stepped in front of Fester.

"Pugsley, fire up the chair."

With a gleeful smile, the boy did so, visible electricity traveling through the chair.

"Ok, Fester," he said, "I'm going to ask you some questions."

Before said questions could be asked, Gomez interrupted and with a grand flourish, yelled "Who are you and what have you done to Fester Addams!?"

"I _am_ Fester Addams!" said the pale man, visibly trying to loose himself from his restraints. The Doctor moved to the polygraph, noting the two results to be nearly identical.

"And who are we?" He asked Fester suddenly, "Who are we to you?"

"You're my family, of course! Plus friend. My brother, sister in law, niece and nephew- why are you asking me this?"

"Ok, so he's aware of who he is, so not a case of possession or amnesia."

"Then what's doing this to you, man?" pleaded Gomez to his brother.

"Doing what? Just because I've suddenly become sensible to this...**disgusting** lifestyle-"

"Focus on today, Fester, this night." The Doctor said, gesturing to calm a red faced Gomez, "After dinner, where did you go?"

"Well," Fester said after a pause to think, "I went to check on the noise..."

"And did you find it? Did you find what made that noise?"

"I...don't think so?"

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, McTaggert was indeed in the Family kitchen. From an outside angle, it would certainly looked as though he was only washing dishes. In reality however, he had simply kept the plates near him for other, more practical purposes.<p>

"Zed?" he said, lifting his sleeve slightly to reveal a communicator strapped on his wrist, "Yo, Zed!"

On the communicator appeared a bearded man by the name of Zed, with a gruff voice and cynical glint in his eyes.

"Ah," said Zed, "Agent J, at last. How are things on the Addams' case?"

"Would it mean anything if I said I'm only talking to you for a rock amongst the sea of bullshit?"

"Yes." the man said with a laugh, "It would say that we put you on this for a reason. We've been getting reports about this family of weirdos for years now. There's no way they're human, and since the Men In Black doesn't have an 'Addams Clan' registered, that can only mean they're illegals."

"Trust me," said Agent J/McTaggert with a shake of the head, "nothing about these guys screams 'human'. And now hat I've got a bunch of food samples, I can use the DNA to tell just what they are." with that J had set up some equipment to do just that. "I'm telling you Zed, you shoulda sent me a partner to balance out this freakshow."

Zed rolled his eyes at that. "Not this again, J. You nueralyzed your last three partners. No more toys for a while until you learn how to appreciate them. I want those DNA results by 11 sharp. The sooner we know who these people are the sooner we can deal with them."

11 o' clock. That would give J roughly two hours. More than enough time to determine the family's species.

"Look, Zed, I don't get those results to you on time, I want boys crawling all over this place. A friend of the family just showed up, and I think he may be the nuttiest of the bunch."

"How nutty?"

"Macguyvering up a brainwave-reader in minutes nutty."

"Look into him too. Keep us posted."

J shut off the communicator, and went back to work before the sound of a clearing throat made him turn around. In doing so he saw Ace leaning against the kitchen doorway. He look on her face told J that she had heard everything.

"So, 'McTaggert'." the girl asked with visible air quotes , "What's the Men In Black?"

* * *

><p>"So you don't remember seeing anything?"<p>

"Well, not necessarily..."

"Try to think hard. If you do remember something, was it moving? Was it alive?"

"_I DONT KNOW_! Now untie me from this chair, you could kill me!"

"I highly doubt it, but isn't the fun in the risk?"

The Doctor and Fester had been going back and forth with questions and answers for a while now, with the former checking the polygraph frequently.

"What's fun about death, you sicko?!"

The family recoiled as the Doctor turned to them.

"Alright, something has indeed externally effected his brainwave patterns, this isn't a naturally occurring phenomenon. Something that's still in this house somewhere has changed him, made him...er...'normal'."

At that word, Morticia raised a hand to her lips. Pugsley and Wednesday paled considerably. Gomez gave a shout of anguish, Thing flopped to the floor, Lurch groaned and Mama spit into the corner of the room.

* * *

><p>"Look," said J, rubbing his forehead, "I don't exactly have time to explain-"<p>

"Yeah?" Ace asked, clearly peeved. "Well I don't think it's so good that you're messing with this family. We may not exactly be best mates, me and them, but The Professor trusts them so-" before Ace could complete her sentence, J had pulled a metal tube from his pocket, along with what looked like a pair of sunglasses. Placing on the glasses, J raised the tube and pointed toward it.

"Look here." He said, before a blinding red light filled the room. Ace stared fixed at the source of the light, before it dimmed half a second later.

"Go back the way you came." J said quickly, "Anyone asks, you saw me washing dishes."

Nodding slowly, Ace turned the way she came and walked back upstairs to the children's room, leaving J to give an exhausted sigh and return to his focus.

"-Everyone keep their wits about them." Ace heard The Doctor say as she entered.

"Whatever's in here with us can completely alter the way you think. Until we know what it is, we don't know how to reverse it, so if you see anything out of place, find the rest of us immediately. Ah, Ace! What was McTaggert doing?"

Ace had a fuzzy look about her as she barely acknowledged the greeting.

"N-nothing." She said, "Washing dishes."

Sending something wrong, The Doctor went right up to her and held her eyelids open.

"_Ack_- Professor! What're you doing?" Ace asked, pushing him away.

"You're pupils are dilated."

"...Uh, what?" Ace questioned.

"Bark like a dog." was The Doctor's reply.

Impulsively, Ace gave a hearty "_Woof_" before covering her mouth and looking at The Doctor with wide eyes.

"She's well trained." said Wednesday.

"You shut up!" Ace said to the younger girl with a raised finger and a glare, before looking back to The Doctor. "Professor, why did I do that?"

"I'm afraid you've been nueralyzed." The Doctor said.

"I've been...what?"

"Affected by a neuralyzer; a bit of mind altering tech that corrodes short term memory and makes the victim highly susceptible to commands for a short period of time. I suspect McTaggert has just nueralyzed you and then sent us back up here to keep us unaware of what he's doing."

"But why would he do that?" Gomez asked.

"On Earth," The Doctor said, "a nueralyzed are primarily used as tools of the M.I.B. An organization that handles many relations between Earth and registered visiting species'. I suspected from the moment I saw him that McTaggert was among their ranks, thanks Ace for confirming."

"Hang on, so he just _erased my memory_?" Ace asked enraged, "Well what are we going to do about it?"

There was an expectant silence as everyone looked to The Doctor.

"We're going to tell him everything." he said, before exiting the room.

"What!?" Ace asked, following him along with the rest of the family. "Why?"

"There are worse things than a Men In Black agent in this house right now Ace, and we need all the help we can get!"

Ace groaned, taking his word for it. As they all rushed down the stairs, the sole remaining occupant of the children's room was left to himself.

"Hello?" Fester asked, shaking in his restrains again. "Is anyone gonna untie me?"


	4. Chapter 4: Suspense

Agent J stood in the family kitchen, looking over the machine his superior Zed had given him for the sake of his assignment. Inside of it were the various leftovers the Addams' had abandoned in their concern for Uncle Fester.

J shuddered to himself. Who named their kid Fester anyway? If the MIB's assumption proved true, it certainly wasn't anybody human.

The sound of approaching footsteps snapped him out of his thoughts, and he scrambled to hide the machine before the entire building (sans Fester) walked in on him.

"Give it a rest, Agent." said The Doctor, before J had the chance to do much of anything. "We know you're affiliated with the Men In Black."

There was a short period of silence, wherein J had tried and failed to form a response. Reaching again for his shades and neuralyzer, he had barely raised the tube up before the Doctor produced his own instrument. A buzzing was heard, and the sonic screwdriver dimmed the red light of the neuralyzer before it could even be used.

"Tsk-tsk-tsk." The doctor said as J looked in disbelief at his tool, "so quick to pull out the old neuralyzer, eh? I really wish they didn't encourage you to use those things so often. They so badly hinder communication."

Having finally regained his composure, J raised an eyebrow at the small man.

"Communication regarding what exactly?"

"Well, a number of things. Almost everything now that I ponder it..."

While the Doctor seemed momentarily distracted, Morticia took the time to speak.

"Mr. McTaggert," she said, putting J off slightly with her oddly-shadowed gaze, "I'm a bit disappointed that you felt the need to hide the truth from us. The Doctor has told us what you're most likely here for, and I assure you, if you wanted to run tests on us we would have gladly volunteered."

"...I'll keep that in mind for next time." J said, having trouble thinking of a different response.

"And good god, man," Gomez said, "if you wanted to know if we were human, all you had to do was ask."

J gave the couple a look, as if egging them to continue, before realizing they literally wanted him to ask.

"Are you human?" He asked.

"Of course we are!" Gomez said with a smile, slapping J on the back. "What else would we be?"

"Forgive me if I call crap on that." J said. "The MIB's been watching your family for a whole, and there ain't much human about you."

"Well whatever do you mean?" Morticia asked innocently.

"He means you're _different_." The Doctor interjected, looking over the neuralyzer before pocketing it. J looked into his own hands, then back at The Doctor. He had failed to realize exactly when it had left his grasp and entered The Doctor's.

"Sorry, didn't I mention?" The Doctor said, "Sleight of hand happens to be one of my speci-al-ities. It's not like you'll be needing it."

"And why should I trust you with it?" J asked, taking a step toward The Doctor, who didn't waver even slightly.

"Because, Agent, there's something else that very likely isn't human in this house, and if we're going to catch it, we'll need your assistance."

"...Go on." J said.

"Whatever's in this house," The Doctor said softly, causing the others to gather around him, "hasn't affected effected Fester's memory at all. And yet it's completely changed his behavior, his tastes. That could lead to a number of problems down the road, so best course of action from my viewpoint would be to split up into groups, search the house and we shouldn't have any trouble finding whatever's responsible. Once we do, we report back with Fester and reverse the process."

"Wait, we're splitting up?" Ace asked.

"Of course, I figured you'd prefer it that way Ace. We'll cover more ground."

"Sorry if I don't think splitting up in a creepy old mansion can lead to anything good." Ace said, before looking to the Addams's. "No offense."

"None taken. " said Morticia and Gomez earnestly.

"So that's agreed." The Doctor said, despite there being no actual agreement. "Let's start the search."

* * *

><p>J walked with Pugsley down one of the many corridors that littered the Addams' estate. Truth be told he wasn't entirely sure how he'd managed to get paired up with the kid. He had intended to follow the Doctor, observing the strange man. His knowledge of the MIB led J to see him as quite the liability. He was beyond skeptical at the Addams' claim to being human, but even if they weren't he was certain this 'Doctor" now posed a more potent issue. Somehow J had let him talk circles around him then proceed to take his neuralyzer like there was nothing to it. And now he was just doing what the man had asked and looking for some miscellaneous alien that may not even exist.<p>

"And here's Uncle Fester's room." said Pugsley, interrupting the agent's thoughts. He was leaning into the room, searching it for any movement. "Think it could be in here?"

"Well that depends what IT is, doesn't it?" J said, eyeing the young boy skeptically.

"What do you think it is? I think it's a giant squid."

"Yeah, I'm sure it is. Wait, what?"

"Or at least, I _hope_ it is. That'd be fun."

J shook his head, sighing at the boy. "And you wonder why an entire organization thinks you guys are aliens..."

"What would you do if we were aliens?"

"Forced registration and relocation, probably." J said, the WORS leaving his mouth a split second before he could realize how bad it sounded. For the first time since their conversation started, Pugsley turned to face J.

"But we'd still be together, right?"

J's eyes widened just slightly, and he turned away from the boy.

"Yeah." He answered, his voice betraying his uncertainty. "Of course. I mean, it's not like you even have to worry about it anyway, right? Like your parents said, you're all human."

"Probably." The boy said with a shrug, refocusing his attention on the room.

J rolled his eyes in exasperation. This entire family was just intent on jerking his chain. They and this Doctor might have very well been trying to distract him with this wild goose chase. Checking his watch, J saw that he still had well over an hour before he had to report to Zed.

"Why don't you have a closer look." The man said, prodding Pugsley into the room, before quickly closing the door behind him. Taking a look at the knob, J noticed that it locked from the outside. No longer bothering to question it, J locked the door before turning to leave. The one plus side of being paired with a child is that they were easy to shake off. J resolved to find and question the Doctor, before he could be distracted any further.

Had J stayed a moment longer, he would have heard Pugsley shout in surprise, or seen the flash of light that crept through the doorway, if only for a second.

* * *

><p>"'Let's start the search'." Ace mimicked, with Lurch and Grandma Addams walking on either side of her. "Of course the Professor neglected to bring me on his team. Instead he had to go along with little Miss Gothic,who's probably fine on her own."<p>

"What do you want with them for?" chuckled Grandma, "I know this house better than anyone. Now, which room was I looking for again?"

Lurch groaned as he pointed toward the right, and with a nod Grandma led them into a circular room with dozens of chains hanging down from the ceiling.

"From here," Grandma said, "we can practically scour the whole household. Just grab one of those handles and hold on tight. If we all split up we can-"

"Cover more ground, I know." said Ace, rolling her eyes.

"I was going to say 'have more fun', actually. Ooh- don't touch that one if you like your arm." The old woman said, before grabbing a handle and pulling down. She have an excited shout as the chain then pulled her up to Ace-knew-not-where. A second later, Lurch followed her example, groaning as he too was pulled up.

Ace inhaled, before grabbing a random handle and pulling it down. Rather then be pulled up however, Ace felt the ground leave from under her, and looked down to see that a hole had been made where she was standing. Her eyes widened, and she was falling before she could even exclaim.

* * *

><p>The Doctor and Wednesday were doing their own snooping at the time.<p>

"Sorry you couldn't go with your parents, Wednesday." The man said.

"No need. Covering the ballroom is probably best for them. Waltzing together usually helps them after a stressful day. Besides, with all the stories you tell about solving problems whenever you visit, I figured you would be the more practical partner."

"Well, I don't mean to brag-"

The Doctor was interrupted by the sound of banging in a nearby room.

"Wednesday, that's your uncle's room, yes?"

"Yeah."

"And it's locked from the outside. Who's idea was that."

"My uncle."

"Oh, yes of course. Sounds like someone or something is in there. Care to have a look."

The girl nodded, and after unlocking the door and stepping in, the two quickly covered their eyes as a bright light shone around the room. In a split second, the Doctor picked up that the light was moving, and in the corner of the room was Pugsley, cowering away from it as it zoomed about. The Doctor and Wednesday ducked as the thing flew toward them, and in doing so crashed straight into the door, shutting it once again.

On instinct, The Doctor point his screwdriver at the thing and shone it. The thing flew more erratically around the room, before eventually flying straight through the window into the family graveyard.

Rushing toward Pugsley, The Doctor and Wednesday knelt beside him, the latter putting a hand on his shoulder.

"What are you doing here, Pugsley?" The Doctor asked. "I thought you were with Agent J."

"I was," said the boy, "h-he, he locked me in here, and then I found that thing, a-and-"

"He's stuttering." Wednesday said. "He's scared. It got to him. That flying thing is what did this to Uncle Fester and it did it to him too."

"You might be right in that assumption Wednesday." The Doctor said, moving his hand to Pugsley's face. "Hold still Pugsley."

Holding Pugsley's eyelids open, The Doctor observed his eye.

"Should we tell the others it's happened?" Wednesday said. "Or we could go after that thing. It's in the graveyard."

"One thing at a time, I have to I observe the physical effects that thing had while they're fresh. May give us more data than Fester..."

A snapping sound brought Wednesday's attention to the ceiling, while The Doctor continued to look over her brother.

"Hmm, dilated pupils." the Time Lord noted. "Not unlike Ace after being neuralyzed... They were probably present in your Uncle before we found him, I'm guessing they wore off. "

"W-what does that mean?" Pugsley asked nervously.

"Doctor?" Wednesday asked.

"It means whatever did this to you did it with visual stimuli, I'm guessing with that light it had. Probably compressed it into a flash."

"I-I do remember a flash, actually..."

"And what about the thing itself, can you describe it? I'm afraid your sister and I didn't get a good look."

Pugsley only had enough time to shake his head before another snapping sound was heard, and this time, his gaze joined Wednesday's.

"Doctor?" The kids chorused.

"Pugsley, let me look at your ear." The man asked, seeming to pay no attention.

"_Doctor_!" again. Snapping again.

It was on the fourth snap sound that The Doctor's eyes widened.

"This..." he started, "is your uncle's room."

Wednesday nodded.

"The room where you left...a bed of spikes." The Doctor finally joined the children's gaze, seeing that very same bed of spikes strapped to the ceiling with rope. Rope that was quickly snapping.

As the rope broke, the spikes fell. The bed was about the size of the ceiling itself, so it swung (more like shook) slightly with every fall. Pugsley let put a little frightened sound, and even Wednesday seemed to recognize a slight amount of danger to herself. The Doctor, on the other hand, recognized a LOT of danger to himself, and he quickly grabbed the children's hands.

"Ok." He said, standing them up with him, "It's fallen too low for us to get out through the window. I'll just sonic the door open and we can-"

Before the Doctor could finish, the bed fell considerably lower, forcing the three of them back into a crouching position. The Doctor quickly aimed his screwdriver at the door, and managed to unlock it. It was still a fair distance away, so they all began to crawl for it.

"Hurry." Shouted Pugsley, "_Hurry_!"

The spikes fell yet again, forcing the three of them even closer to the ground, and snapping the knob off the door. The knob rolled past the three of them, as if taunting them, and Pugsley whined in fear yet again.

"Don't worry, don't worry." The Doctor said, his eyes darting around what little he could still see of the room. "I'll find another way out. But perhaps it's best if we don't move. We could accidentally nudge it, bring it down even faster. I just need time to think."

And so they lay, silent and largely motionless for what seemed like a small eternity, the spikes hanging above them menacingly.

"Well," said Wednesday, "there's Uncle Fester's surprise ruined."

* * *

><p>Directly below the trio in peril, Ace found herself being plopped onto the floor out a compartment. Her little fall had led to a dizzying slide, the kind of which seemed to be littering the construction of the home. Climbing to her feet, she felt over herself and realized that her bag was gone. Looking around, she spotted it on the floor, apparently having slid past her. Grabbing it, she realized that one of her canisters of Nitro-9 seemed to be missing. Listening closely, she heard what was obviously the canister rolling away from her. She ran up to grab her homemade explosive, before it could trigger, but a voice stopped her.<p>

"Yo, Doctor!" Yelled the voice of Agent J as he wandered the same dark floor, looking for the man who seemed to have all the answers.

"Doc!" He yelled again. "We need to talk about some things!"

Ace stood quite, waiting for the man to continue. The last time she had stumbled on the man she had apparently gotten her memory wiped, and though The Doctor had taken his neuralyzer, she remained wary of the man, and what he would do if stumbled upon again. Getting into a position so as to see the man, her wariness intensified as she saw what looked like a minuscule firearm in his hand. It looked almost like a toy to the girl, but the way the man handled it seemed to say otherwise.

Meanwhile, the canister of Nitro-9 continued to roll on, J now picking up its sound.

"Listen, Doc, or whoever's down here, I'm tryin' to give y'all the benefit of the doubt, but this alien hunt is seriously starting to freak me out. So whoever's down here, let's just talk about what's going on."

It was then that multiple things happened within a moment of each other. Ace noticed the Nitro-9 rolling toward J's foot. J noticed this as well. J screamed. The toy gun was fired, and the Nitro-9 was hit.

Regardless of what happened next, both Ace decided that taking cover was the smartest decision available to her.

_AN: Well, longest chapter yet. I didn't quite mean for that to happen, but it at least wanted to get to the bed of spikes and the explosion by the end of this one, so mission accomplished I guess. As for characterization, it's a tiny bit hard to hit that sweet spot I'm looking for with J. As this is after he's been an MIB Agent for a while, I wanted him to be a bit more cynical and aloof than he is when working with K, though I worry I may have gone overboard with it. The same can possibly be said for my attempts to make Ace the straight man to all the craziness. Either way, I suppose it's not too big a deal. Hope you enjoyed this one, and see you next time._


End file.
